Shhh..

He said he didn't even like talking to me. Statements like that make me question why we're even together. Why would you want to be with someone who you don't even like talking to? How can you communicate? And it makes sense now why we fight so much. We can't even communicate right. I don't know what to do. I have always known that Ive talked too much. I know I'm blunt and loud. I know I'm too honest. Maybe I should do the complete opposite now and maybe he'll actually like talking to me. I wonder what the old me would say. She never really expressed what was on her mind. She just kept thoughts to herself. It kills me now if I can't say something out loud. I guess I have to start doing that. I just hate holding things in because they always all explode out of nowhere. Sometimes I feel like he's only in love with the old me.

Well I don't know what to do now. Talk or dont talk? I guess I'll give him that weekend he wanted to himself. I love him so much. I hope he likes talking to me again. Maybe I should talk about more interesting stuff. I'm such a granny. :(

A mission.

I am still drunk and my mom is on the way to my house to take me to swap meet. This better be quick dude. All I need is socks and I'm out.

I felt like crap when I woke up dude. I felt like the world was ending. I felt like I had nothing. I felt the way I usually do after I roll. Super depressed and hopeless. It was really weird. I don't know what to do. My mom is yelling at me. Idk where my car is. My dad isn't answering. I really just can't handle this right now.

Let's go.

I've never been so heart broken in my life. I've never been so sure of anything ever. But you know I've learned that everyone in your life is a teacher. Everyone you know is an angel sent to you to teach you something. I've learned a lot from him. A whooole lot! It's just too bad that it couldn't last forever like I thought it would be. It's like everything I believed in was a lie.

I wonder how many times I have said this, but Disney should be sued for these crazy fairy tales and the fact that true love lasts forever.

Anyway, goodnight. Or goodmorning. Yeah whatever.

You can have it.

Sometimes I'm afraid that we can't be together because we don't share the same values.

Sweet dreams.

I had a nightmare last night. It was actually a nightmare in a nightmare. I was really scared and I was crying. I didn't want to go back to sleep but I did fall asleep eventually. I couldn't really talk about my dream to anyone because I didn't want to think about it but at the same time I wanted to.

So this morning I decided to decipher it. A lot of it made sense. Like it was kind of creepy how accurate it was. It helped me realize certain things. Like I guess it helped admit to myself certain problems that I'm having or trying to ignore. A lot of it made so much sense to me that it was crazy. There were some of it that was bad and really negative but I'm not going to pay attention to those. A dream can't shape my reality.

Honestly....

I know we don't hang out as much as we use to but you guys are the only thing that gets me through the day. When I feel like giving up and when everything feels like it's going downhill, I think of you guys. Those little texts and random calls you give me make me so happy. You have no idea how it makes me feel!! I feel so good knowing that eventhough we don't see each other anymore, I'm still having some kind of impact on your lives. I love how I'm an inspiration to you. I love how you look up to me. It makes me want to become more responsible because I don't want to do something wrong and mess up. I love how you guys see something in me that I can't even see. Like how I'm so hardworking and driven. It's pretty crazy. It really just makes my day.

It really hurts though that the one person in my life doesn't feel that way about me anymore. But it doesn't matter because I still have my friends. <3

What?

It seems like it's just not going to work anymore!! Ever since convention I've been questioning it. I've been thinking about it everyday.