srszli.

So I saw my pediatrician this morning. Just a normal check up. Towards the end he asked me if I had any questions or anything. I did. I was telling him how I've been having a lot of suicidal dreams lately and how I start walking around half asleep thinking that the world is going to end. I'm afraid sometimes that I can seriously hurt myself. Like kill myself because in my mind at that moment, for some reason I feel like I have to. I don't know how to explain these dreams. I just feel so sad and hopeless. The only way for me to get of of this state, is to just go back to sleep again. But I want to stop feeling like this. Sometimes I feel like it random times in the day. Like I just have these random thoughts.

But anyway. I was telling him all about that and then my mom goes oh it's probably something she's been watching on TV. Okay no.... -_- I don't think Spongebob and black TV shows are making me feel suicidal. She didn't take me seriously. She never does. Like the whole counseling thing several months ago. Yeah that was all bs. That did not help at all. My pediatrician did ask me if I was having a hard time with something or if I was feeling depressed. I lied and said no but he did give me a number to call. It better not be the suicidal hotline. >_> I wonder how many of these cards I've got in the past year.

I hate how people can't take me seriously. Like when I was having trouble with the car, no one believed me. Now we must all suffer and pay for the damages. Boo hoo. I'm not sure what I can do. I've changed the way I dress. I don't talk back anymore. Even if they are wrong. Eh idk.