Gone.

This blogspot is dead. I only really made it because of him.

I like writing letters more anyway, except I would be writing them to myself now. >_>

So have an awesome life. Catch me on Twitter and AIM. Lol. :)

I'm losing everything.

I'm PMSing like a bitch. Lately when I'm about to be on it, I get so emotional. Everything irritates the crap out of me and I hate everything. I hate my life right now. I can't see the positive or brightside of anything. I hate this. I will take anything that will prevent me from feeling this way. Midol only gets rid of cramps, bloating, fatigue, and other physical symptoms.

Man, I am just not in the blogging mood anymore.

epic fail.

I have just received my first F in my life.

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. All this hardwork is not paying off, and it's not just school.

I want out.

I really just don't care anymore. Idgaf about this damn essay that's due tomorrow. I suck ass balls writing essays dude. I know you can tell I wrote it at like one in the morning but who cares? Well, obviously Mr. Meyer but irdgafa. My future profession does not consist of writing. I love blogging but dude. Essays are another thing. Right now, I just want to pass all my classes. At least a C. That's passing right? Idc about the white robe!! The super high GPA! It doesn't matter to me. And SAT's Saturday? WGAF? I don't!! I'm not even planning on going to a UC or whatever the shit's called.

I don't wanna sound like an emo bitch but all I really want to do is sleep! I can't stand being awake anymore. I hate it. The days are so long and the nights pass by so quick. It's like I never get to sleep. I don't wanna do this anymore. There's no motivation. No inspiration. No push. Nothing. Idk what anyone can say to help me.

Im a little sad though because I had big dreams. I wanted to go to a UC. Maybe be a doctor to make my goddamn mother happy or do something that deals with the environment. My dreams were so big.... But I really don't feel like going for them. I already know what today's reality is. It's sad because those big guys who have the power to make things better aren't doing shit. I fucking hate this shit. Can't I die already? I'm done dude. I am fucking done with this sicko world we're living in.

It's June?

I feel like I've been on a natural high for the past several months. It seems like I'm moving so slow while time is just slipping by me. I always find myself at the end of the day, rushing and worrying. I wonder what happened to all the time that I had. I feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day anymore. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I just can't manage my time anymore like I use to. Everything has changed. I really think it all began with that one night in the middle of December.

I really don't think anyone truly understands how I felt after that, except for maybe Ashley Ocampo. We were practially joined at the hip during that time. But yeah, that night really scarred me. I was an emotional wreck and couldn't trust anybody. I started to be more emotional and angry at everything. I was upset with the world and with God because I just didn't understand how a good person that I was back then suffer so much. I didn't understand. I was so confused. I was having the worst time of my life and I just couldn't believe He would let bad things happen to good people.

I remember my friends would call me their good luck charm because I was just a good person and good things happened to me. I still can't believe there really was a time when I was seriously happy. Nothing was wrong with my life. I remembered when everything was just going great, I was afraid of change because everything was just so perfect. I broke this poor boy's heart so many times because I thought everything was going to change. I actually don't regret it though (haha sorry).

But idk. >_> Everything is different now. I think differently. I'm not sure if I changed in a good way or a bad way, but I sure did lose a handful of friends. But it just sucks that they just have to talk about me, and those idiotic people had to believe them. I'm not mad though, just annoyed. Haha but some of that stuff is kind of funny though. x)

I really don't know what to do now. I can't slow down time or try to get back all the time that I lost. I've just got to keep moving forward eventhough it's so hard. I have to stop living those 26/9 days because it's taking a toll on my body. I can't even function anymore when I lack sleep and my back hurts all the time. I feel so tired and weak. I don't have all that energy I use to have.

I'm pretty much screwed anyway, but I really don't care. I'm doing as much as I can, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. =_= I have an essay due tomorrow, that precal project on Tuesday, Spanish test Thursday, and SAT's Saturday. Honestly, I'm not ready.

I have so much on my mind. I wish I had someone to talk to. But then I don't because sometimes I feel like I'm dumping a whole load of negativity on them.

101 post!

Greeat. -_- My 100th post is an emo one. >_>

Ugh, but tell me why I feel like it's the end of the world. I always find a way, but this time it feels like there isn't a solution.

omg wtf.

You're stressing me out. You already know that I'm not doing good in school and you always say that it's more important. Why are you piling more stress on me? Why are you pressuring me? It doesn't make sense. You've got to think from other people's perspectives, especially from where I'm coming from. I feel like I've been cheated and used... When have you ever asked me what I want? Because this is not what I want.

I really don't know what to do now. I'm sacrificing so much and it seems like it's not even paying off in the end. It's not worth it. It's like I spend so much time making other people happy that I forget about myself. I hate this. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm losing focus and forgetting the reasons why I've been holding on for so long.

I miss the people who use to be there for me all the time. I'm so disappointed and upset now that they're gone because I really need them right now.

I'm not sure how long I can last.