It's June?

I feel like I've been on a natural high for the past several months. It seems like I'm moving so slow while time is just slipping by me. I always find myself at the end of the day, rushing and worrying. I wonder what happened to all the time that I had. I feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day anymore. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I just can't manage my time anymore like I use to. Everything has changed. I really think it all began with that one night in the middle of December.

I really don't think anyone truly understands how I felt after that, except for maybe Ashley Ocampo. We were practially joined at the hip during that time. But yeah, that night really scarred me. I was an emotional wreck and couldn't trust anybody. I started to be more emotional and angry at everything. I was upset with the world and with God because I just didn't understand how a good person that I was back then suffer so much. I didn't understand. I was so confused. I was having the worst time of my life and I just couldn't believe He would let bad things happen to good people.

I remember my friends would call me their good luck charm because I was just a good person and good things happened to me. I still can't believe there really was a time when I was seriously happy. Nothing was wrong with my life. I remembered when everything was just going great, I was afraid of change because everything was just so perfect. I broke this poor boy's heart so many times because I thought everything was going to change. I actually don't regret it though (haha sorry).

But idk. >_> Everything is different now. I think differently. I'm not sure if I changed in a good way or a bad way, but I sure did lose a handful of friends. But it just sucks that they just have to talk about me, and those idiotic people had to believe them. I'm not mad though, just annoyed. Haha but some of that stuff is kind of funny though. x)

I really don't know what to do now. I can't slow down time or try to get back all the time that I lost. I've just got to keep moving forward eventhough it's so hard. I have to stop living those 26/9 days because it's taking a toll on my body. I can't even function anymore when I lack sleep and my back hurts all the time. I feel so tired and weak. I don't have all that energy I use to have.

I'm pretty much screwed anyway, but I really don't care. I'm doing as much as I can, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. =_= I have an essay due tomorrow, that precal project on Tuesday, Spanish test Thursday, and SAT's Saturday. Honestly, I'm not ready.

I have so much on my mind. I wish I had someone to talk to. But then I don't because sometimes I feel like I'm dumping a whole load of negativity on them.