I want out.

I really just don't care anymore. Idgaf about this damn essay that's due tomorrow. I suck ass balls writing essays dude. I know you can tell I wrote it at like one in the morning but who cares? Well, obviously Mr. Meyer but irdgafa. My future profession does not consist of writing. I love blogging but dude. Essays are another thing. Right now, I just want to pass all my classes. At least a C. That's passing right? Idc about the white robe!! The super high GPA! It doesn't matter to me. And SAT's Saturday? WGAF? I don't!! I'm not even planning on going to a UC or whatever the shit's called.

I don't wanna sound like an emo bitch but all I really want to do is sleep! I can't stand being awake anymore. I hate it. The days are so long and the nights pass by so quick. It's like I never get to sleep. I don't wanna do this anymore. There's no motivation. No inspiration. No push. Nothing. Idk what anyone can say to help me.

Im a little sad though because I had big dreams. I wanted to go to a UC. Maybe be a doctor to make my goddamn mother happy or do something that deals with the environment. My dreams were so big.... But I really don't feel like going for them. I already know what today's reality is. It's sad because those big guys who have the power to make things better aren't doing shit. I fucking hate this shit. Can't I die already? I'm done dude. I am fucking done with this sicko world we're living in.

It's June?

I feel like I've been on a natural high for the past several months. It seems like I'm moving so slow while time is just slipping by me. I always find myself at the end of the day, rushing and worrying. I wonder what happened to all the time that I had. I feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day anymore. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I just can't manage my time anymore like I use to. Everything has changed. I really think it all began with that one night in the middle of December.

I really don't think anyone truly understands how I felt after that, except for maybe Ashley Ocampo. We were practially joined at the hip during that time. But yeah, that night really scarred me. I was an emotional wreck and couldn't trust anybody. I started to be more emotional and angry at everything. I was upset with the world and with God because I just didn't understand how a good person that I was back then suffer so much. I didn't understand. I was so confused. I was having the worst time of my life and I just couldn't believe He would let bad things happen to good people.

I remember my friends would call me their good luck charm because I was just a good person and good things happened to me. I still can't believe there really was a time when I was seriously happy. Nothing was wrong with my life. I remembered when everything was just going great, I was afraid of change because everything was just so perfect. I broke this poor boy's heart so many times because I thought everything was going to change. I actually don't regret it though (haha sorry).

But idk. >_> Everything is different now. I think differently. I'm not sure if I changed in a good way or a bad way, but I sure did lose a handful of friends. But it just sucks that they just have to talk about me, and those idiotic people had to believe them. I'm not mad though, just annoyed. Haha but some of that stuff is kind of funny though. x)

I really don't know what to do now. I can't slow down time or try to get back all the time that I lost. I've just got to keep moving forward eventhough it's so hard. I have to stop living those 26/9 days because it's taking a toll on my body. I can't even function anymore when I lack sleep and my back hurts all the time. I feel so tired and weak. I don't have all that energy I use to have.

I'm pretty much screwed anyway, but I really don't care. I'm doing as much as I can, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. =_= I have an essay due tomorrow, that precal project on Tuesday, Spanish test Thursday, and SAT's Saturday. Honestly, I'm not ready.

I have so much on my mind. I wish I had someone to talk to. But then I don't because sometimes I feel like I'm dumping a whole load of negativity on them.

101 post!

Greeat. -_- My 100th post is an emo one. >_>

Ugh, but tell me why I feel like it's the end of the world. I always find a way, but this time it feels like there isn't a solution.

omg wtf.

You're stressing me out. You already know that I'm not doing good in school and you always say that it's more important. Why are you piling more stress on me? Why are you pressuring me? It doesn't make sense. You've got to think from other people's perspectives, especially from where I'm coming from. I feel like I've been cheated and used... When have you ever asked me what I want? Because this is not what I want.

I really don't know what to do now. I'm sacrificing so much and it seems like it's not even paying off in the end. It's not worth it. It's like I spend so much time making other people happy that I forget about myself. I hate this. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm losing focus and forgetting the reasons why I've been holding on for so long.

I miss the people who use to be there for me all the time. I'm so disappointed and upset now that they're gone because I really need them right now.

I'm not sure how long I can last.

Better your best.

Sometimes I just feel so low, like I can never be good enough.

Like I can never give him what he needs.

Oops!

It's really nothing, but I'm starting to think it's all bullshit now and I'm not going to take that.

I'm going to kill my high hopes. Things are going to change.

You know, I always say that but I see why now things are the way they are and I'm kind of stupid for letting it happen.

calm down.

So I just came back from hell. I wore sunglasses so my mom wouldn't see the fierceness in my eyes. I walked in and I guess she thought I was going to go shopping with the autoship money because she was all going anal about the receipt and not to lose it. Gee. Calm down. Then as I was turning of my brother's laptop she was all talking about how she's getting me a car and that might make me not go to school anymore. I'll be running around SD everyday going crazy. Oops I mean driving haha. What she doesn't know is that I'm not irresponsible. I'm not going to do that. Oh yeah, she's not even buying the car so I don't know why she's trippin out. You can't be playing around with my dad's money. Then as I leave she's all saying that if I miss school, she's going to call my director and make not go to work. Not when I'm my own boss. I'm not going to fire myself. I don't work at a JOB you know. I control the way it works around here. Geez, I bet she doesn't even
remember name. She doesn't even have her number. GL, mom!

Oh yeah. After all these things she was telling me to do, I said "okay" because that's just what you say when people tell you to do something right? Or at least one of the things, but it seemed acceptable at the time to say "okay." Then she says something in Tagalog meaning "you always say that blahblahblah." What the hell am I suppose to say?! I said that to her and she had nothing else to say. Boo yah! One point for Kimberly.

Haha Get it straight, mommy dearest. <3

Truant.

I was just taking a wonderful nap but my mom called and started yelling about how she got a letter from the school saying that I'm a truant. I don't even know if I used that word right. Is it a noun? Pft, I don't know. It's true, yes, that I don't go to school sometimes but dude, I swear, the school makes me look worse than I already do. They told my mom that I had like a bajillion tardies!!! Like dude. I was late like once. I'm not lying to you. There must be some other Kimberly Dela Cruz that's late like everyday or something because I was late like once. Out of the whole year, twice. The school needs to stop trippin and sending out false informaion. This is the second time they've done this. Am I the only one? Does anyone else have some faulty attendance? Geeeez. Oh well. What can I do?

Oh yeah. What really annoys me is the fact that she told me to make my dad walk me to class in the morning to make sure I'm at school. Lmao. I was really trying hard to laugh. Like seriously? You're going to tell a seventeen year old truant to do that? Psh. My dad wouldn't do it either haha. But she was like serious dude. She kept repeating herself and everything. It was the funniest thing.

While she was yelling though, I was thinking that maybe she wouldn't give me autoship anymore and we wouldn't go to Carlsbad tomorrow. Turns out that I'm on my way to her house right now to get the money, but idk about tomorrow. I can care less about shopping right now. My grandpa's health can't wait.

Well have a great day. My mom hasn't ruined mine.

lol forgot to press post earlier

I am always so inspired by Duke after hearing him speak. He gives me hope and motivation. He gives me good reason why I shouldn't give up and to continue doing what I'm doing. He's so amazing. He talked about so many things yesterday. He talks more than business, but life itself. It's good to learn from your own mistakes, but even better if you can learn from others. He provides you with these little life lessons that really move you. He also talked about the economy and the reality America faces everyday.

To be honest, I'm not afraid of this economy. The economy is really bad if you only think it is. It's being really good to me actually. <3 It's great being paid without doing much or maybe nothing at all. I saw a few mini movies yesterday about how bad it really is. Yeah, I guess it is bad but what are you doing about it? I don't really remember the titles of the movie but maybe you can look it up on YouTube. They have everything right?Most of them were Glen Beck. That guy is so hilarious! He reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut in a way because he makes you laugh at this ridiculous recession we're in. It's crazy and it still makes me nervous eventhough I know I'll be good, but there was this video talking about riots and what not. Is it a million unemployed now? Half? I don't remember :( but I know it's a lot. It talked about how all those people could protest and riot. It could get really violent. This man, I forgot his name! T_T, was explaining this whole riot
thing and also talked about how he took all his money out of the bank. He says he doesn't trust them. I did the same exact thing. I cash my checks but I don't put them into my account. I just keep all that cash on me. Well not literally on me but at home in my sock drawer or something haha. We both did this because of what happened with the banks during the Great Depression in the thirties. People lost it all. How do you know that's not going to happen again? They say that this will be the worst depression America will ever have. That really sucks. It also talked about how California is bankrupt and everything. They talked about how they were going to release the 40,000 current prisoners in California, get rid of 15,000 teachers, and have less fire stations. I know it's bad but I totally lmao when Glen Beck said how our children were going to end up stupid because their teachers have been replaced by rapists and murderers while the school was on fire
because there are no fire fighters hahahah.

Enough with all the negative, it's time to be happy and move on! :) SUMMER IS IN TWENTY TWO DAYS!!! I think that's like fifteen more school days! I know for me it's not going to be an easy twenty two days. I'm not going to be able to relax like some people and take it easy. Ohh no. I really messed up my junior year and I need to fix it. I need to work hard to keep up with the work in class. I think I'm almost caught up actually. I'm going to spend today doing all my work. How can I have fun knowing that I could be behind credits and not graduate on time? I have all the time in the world to have fun with all my friends. They just have to deal with the fact that I have to do school right now. I'm really trying not to stress out. I'm trying to be a more calm person. "When you're frustrated, you have no direction. But if you know where you're going, then how can you be frustrated?" It's all about setting goals and deadlines and being focused! I need to know
where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. I'm going to hit the jets today. Maybe not in business right now, but I know once I get school out of the way I'll be able to handle business better because I have less weight on my shoulders. I'm really looking forward to these next few weeks because a lot is going to change. My goal this week is to be fully caught up with EVERYTHING!! I'm not even kidding. I need to stop being lazy and slacking off. I'm going to get nowhere if I continue to be that way.

So I need to stop blogging now. Sometimes I really just have to stop myself because I can go on and on. Haha I feel "blogative" today, but I need to eat breakfast and accomplish a million things today. Have a wonderful Sunday. :)

dos problemas

Only two things are really bugging me now: my retainers and him.

So this morning in second period I remembered to put my retainers back on. Unlike some people, I am very loyal to my dentist and try to wear my retainers 24/7. I ALWAYS put the bottom one first then the top. I've been doing it like everyday for over a year now. I tried putting it in once and it didn't work. I thought maybe I put it in wrong so I took it out and I tried it again, and again and again. I started freaking out dude! I don't want to buy a new retainer! It's expensive! I was also like confused because I was hella wearing them last night and this morning! There's no possible way they stopped fitting me out of the blue. I went two days once without them and they still fit. Then I noticed a little tiny piece of it broke off but I still didn't understand why it couldn't fit in my mouth. THENNNN during the process of this blog I noticed that the piece that chipped off was on top of my retainer and was probably why I couldn't put it on. I flicked
that thing off and now my retainer is happy in my mouth. :D

So this one is kind of worst. He told me he just wanted to be friends becase he's not good enough for me.

And I'm just going to stop there or I'm gonna start crying.

Epic dream!!!

I had the most beautiful dream! It was so enlightening! The whole team was at Super Saturday. I guess some of us, including me, arrived later than everybody else and walked in late while Duke was talking. Then I was hella climbing something like a mountain I guess and Shariza was at the top helping me by pulling me up. My downlines were beneath me pushing me up. Haha like the whole push and pull thing but literally. Duke was talking and it was something so motivational and inspiring that it made me cry and it helped me get up that thing.

I feel so happy because that dream must mean something. It has to be a good thing. It's not negative like all my other dreams. Everything is probably going to start getting better now.

Anyway I must get up and do homework and also figure out the hidden meanings in my dream. ;)

bad day.

Broken phone.

Nonstop alarm.

Got clicked on.

Bad hair.

Bad weather.

Retainers broke.

Redid my pattern.

Didn't get precal.

Experiencing FATIGUE all day.

Plus, I feel quite terrible. I really need to stop helping people who don't want my help. :(

bye, bye

I think I've become too attached to my phone, but who can blame me? It's an iPhone. It's a beautiful invention. <3

The reason I say this is because I said, "I love my iPhone" this morning. Like I really mean it. It would be hard to live without it. When it blacked out on me yesterday I rushed it to the nearest Mac store ER. I'm not even kidding. I begged my dad to take me. It couldn't wait until tomorrow. I couldn't stand hearing my phone receive text messages and people calling me. I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't even know who it was.

I've become too dependent on my phone and I think it's a shame. Sometimes people tell me I'm on my phone too much. I don't know if I'm denying it, but I don't think I am. I probably am but won't admit to it. I have a problem. -_- oh geez.

There's so much this phone can do for you! I'm never on the computer these days because I know I can do it on the phone. I even do my homework on here. I study for my SAT's on here. I handle business on here. Have I gone too far?

I started thinking about what Meyer was lecturing us on back in December. He was talking about how our generation is like the "MySpace" generation. We're so hooked on the Internet, our cellphones, stuff like MySpace and Twitter. I really don't know why though. It's pretty fun stuff and plus you're communicating with all your friends. ;) Then he started talking about how we can't even communicate as well in real life because we're always on the Internet typing everything you know. I agree with him because I know some people who are like waaaaay different in real life than how they are online. It's kind of annoying actually. Like you know those people who act all hard and they don't even do anything in real life? Yeah or those people who are hella pretty in their MySpace pictures but are actually..... not pretty in real life haha. I don't think that's the same thing but you get the idea. ;)

I've also heard somewhere that improper grammer is slowly being accepted. Like omg r u 4real?! Like yes LOL! Haha dude there are so many abbreviations for countless phrases out there. I've even made up my own and wonder if people know what I'm saying lmfao. x)

I might as well write a book about this whole issue because I can go on and on. Anyway, back to my point. I think I'm going to be temporarily banning myself from my phone. That means so texting, calling, MySpace, Twitter, AIM, iPod, and games. I still want to use my SAT apps on here though. It's soo useful! :D basically I think my mind needs to remember life without all this insane technology. I still can't believe it sometimes how I went four months without a phone. Amazing. :)

So I guess if you need me, you can call my house. I think talking on house phones are legit. Or if you really really need me, like you're about to die or something because you can't help but talk to me (jk jk, if you're serious then awww<3), you can text, MySpace, IM, or mention me on Twitter. I'll check my phone every now and then but it's going to be off so I can save electricity. Haha I'm going green at the same time!!

I'm going to be blogging still sooooo yeah. :) I don't even know who still goes on here! People are waaaay to busy to blog these days I guess. -_-

<3

idgaf

I don't care anymore. You can't say I never tried.

omfg

I swear I'm gonna fucking kill you. You're fucking annoying ass bitch. I hate being so nice to you. You're ruining my goddamn day. You're such an emo little hoe. Why don't you go do something with your life? Help your poor fucking family out. Do something instead of sleeping around and wasting my fucking time. You're a bitch. I hate you. This is the last time I'm ever going to do something for you. Get a life.

I have a problem.

The first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one.

I'm not really sure how to solve this one though.

Falling...

Sorry

I'm so so tired.

I just wanna pass junior year please.

I don't care about the fancy white robe anymore.

Sucks.

It really seems like everyone is having a hard time in life right now. I know I'm not the only one! It's really sad to see that not everyone should be as happy as they should be. I wish I can just give everybody a hug.

And honestly... I should be blogging right now hahaha. I should be working my ass off to bring up my grade in precalculus! I really disappoint myself sometimes. I'm not as disciplined as I use to be. I'm the same hardworking person but just a bit more lazy. It sucks. I do everything last minute now. I can't help it! I just really have to push myself now. I really don't want other people to push me like encourage me and stuff because that just annoys the crap out of me. No offense. But it's okay to cheer me on in your heads! ;) it's the thought that counts haha.

Anyway I should return to my studies and keep pushing myself. Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem.

Have a good night! ;)

fml.

I hate myself so much right now. It's just one of those days where I wish I can just travel back in time and fix everything. This day is just not going as great as I thought.

I just KNOW I didn't get a five on my AP exam. It depresses me....

I also decided to go to work. I know John can help me with precal but I forgot my damn book! Like seriously. I don't even know the next time I can get a ride over here. Precal is owning me right now and I can't be wasting time like this.

Ugh and I freaking forgot my money for Super Saturday!! It's the last week to pre- register. You can do it at the door but it's $25. Oh man. I'm hella lagging dude. I'm pissing myself off!

I really just need to look at the positives right now but it's hard. I'm wasting so much time right now! I hella get bothered by that. I just cannot stand wasting time. Ugh man. I just gotta be happy right now. I'm going to meet the new team today and I'm going to finally catch up with everyone and everything.

Geez I just need to suck it up and grow some balls.

INSIGHT.

I actually went to counseling today haha. Finally right?! It was weird. I really don't think I belong in a place like that. I seriously like walked in and found Daniel sitting there laughing at me. I guess I am the last person you would see at this kind of thing. It really wasn't so bad. We just filled a bunch of surveys. I was the only girl. The other guys were hella funny! I swear like half of that room was probably super high. They even gave me a nickname. Just guess.... Kimbo Slice lmfao. All the other guys had like girl names. >_>

So I think this blog is pretty unorganized but I just wanted to summarize the whole experience before I forget or something. Woo eight more sessions to go. =_=

Have a great day. :)

Happy Mama's Day!

I don't understand how I can text/twitter/aim/myspace/blog in the car and I can't even read a book or anything!! I'm on the way to downtown with my mom and brother and I brought all my APES study guides. I can't even read them in the car right now because I'm getting all car sick. Ironically, I am still able to blog about this whole experience haha.

So.... It's mother's day! I've been thinking about it this whole week. I really didn't want to do anything with her because she's been pissing me off. But idk everyone kept talking about their mothers and what not. I kind of felt guilty. So here I am in the Horton Plaza parking garage. This place sure brings back memories! Haha but anyway the plan is to go eat at Bucca di Beppo's, which I made reservations ;), then eat dessert at Ghirardelli! Yum.

Hopefully I'll be happy this whole time haha. Anway I feel kind of good because I'm paying for everything. Sadly all my other friends' mothers are paying for everything today. It sucks. They shouldn't have to. It's quite amusing actually. ;)

Well have a nice day and do something nice for your mothers and grandmothers. <3

How ackward.

So my ex was talking to me yesterday about his little girl problems. Geez, how ackward is that?! Yeah, it was weird but whatever. I was there to listen and maybe help him out. He didn't want to say any names but I knew exactly who he was talking about. It kind of bothered me because I wonder if he had feelings for her when we were going out. They have always been pretty close. It doesn't really matter though. My feelings for him aren't the same and I probably would have never met James.

So I am like really tired. I've been tired all day actually. I've been kind of lazy and slow this whole week. It's like I don't have much motivation anymore. It's like I hit the jets, then stop. I don't have that same endurance that I once had. It better hit me this weekend. I really need it right now.

I seriously think I'm getting old. But then again, isn't everyone? Like I can't function without sleep. Back in the day, I can hella work on two hours of sleep. Idk what's wrong with me dude. But it's okay though. I'm a growing girl and I need my sleep. I just need to learn how to manage my time. I need to stop being lazy and focusing on the negatives. Honestly, it's what's holding me back a bit.

I've learned a lot from reading Slaughterhouse- Five. Like how everyone should focus on the positives and just ignore the negatives. I've discovered all these different aspects of time. It's a really good book. It's written by Kurt Vonnegut. You should read it. ;) I think that's what I'm going to write my critical analysis on. I seriously don't like writing essays though. >_> Boo, but I better get use to it.

I'm so sleepy so I think I might hit the hay. Hopefully James will call me when he gets home. I need to fold the laundry.

Goodnight. <3

It's not fair.

My mom makes me want to cry. Every goddamn day. I don't even remember the last time I was happy with her.

My phone died before I can finish this.

Two can play that game.

I'm sick of this shit.

I'm a failure.

I fucked up so bad. I don't know what to do.

I don't even have that support that I need. I'm so hopeless.

On a good one!

So I was telling James how I was going to quit sleeping and just take more naps. I was trying to do that last night but failed hahaha. I was for sure going to start fresh today. I'm not even sure if I'm going to be able to do it because I'm not even tired right now and for some odd reason, it takes me a long time to just fall asleep.

But dude seriously though! I don't wanna sleep right now!! I'm on a good roll here and I just want to complete so much on my to do list right now. :) I have accomplished so much today and it feels great! I finally registered for the SAT's and completed two precal assignments! Woot woot. I don't wanna stop! I have all this good energy. :))

Anyway, I don't want this to die out so I'm going to go do more productive things. ;)

Last night.

I am in dire need of a make over. Not just like a make over make over, but maybe like a personality and attitude make over. I need to fix these ugly flaws of mine. I feel so dirty right now. I think I might have to take another shower.

I feel like I just need to change everything about me and improve myself. I feel like crap and I don't like it. I hate myself right now. I already know I can get an attitude sometimes. Or maybe all the time. I don't know but I'm sorry! You know sometimes I think I got that from step because I swear I never use to be like that before haha

Oh man you know what I got today? My cousin called me a snob. Nice one. I haven't heard that one yet. They've called me spoiled a lot of times before. Whatever. You people can talk your shit. It sucks when it's family though. Oh well idgaf about them anymore anyway. Especially after today when Christal was hella bitchin. Geeez there are really some things that are just pretty damn annoying. >_>

I'm watching this movie with the Duff sister. You know Hilary Duff and whatever her sister's name is. It's alright. I've been watching lame ABC Family movies all day. I swear. They're all pretty lame and corny.

Wanna know a secret? I actually kind of like that stuff. Haha I'm a sucker for lame ass shit like that.

Um I'm kind of tired and I need to do some homework. I all of a sudden had this crazy motivation to do better in precal and own that shit up! Honestly, I'm kind of doubting myself because I'm in a really bad situation. It's nice to know that someone has gone through the same exact thing. I've been talking to Pamela today about everything that has been going on. It's amazing how we still talk like we've seen each other yesterday. I miss her so much. I haven't seen her since August. But at least she moved to Arizona and not the Philippines. :)

Okay have a good night.

Oh and you should follow me! Twitter.com/kimdandy. I practically update that thing like all the time with short like blogs. ;)

Hehe, I just wanted to let you know just in case you miss me between blogs. <3

whathafuxxx

Hell motherfucking no. I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. I do not want to recall the events of last night. They fucking hurt. I don't ever want to go through that again. I fucking want to kill a bitch and I know exactly who.

It hurts to know that he loves her. Then wtf am I then? Some fucking rebound piece of shit?

Why?

Why would you do this? Don't you know that I fucking love you?

PHAIL! part two.

Precal is hella raping me hard in the ass right now. I thought I did okay on my chapter four test. Maybe a C, but unfortunately I failed!! =_= And on those review packets for the CST's... I got like C's on all of them! Haha it's okay though. I BSed them all. >_>

Another thing that I'm currently failing at are relationships! Maybe that's why I'm not in one. o_o Idk man. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells right now. x_x Sometimes I feel like it's only a one way thing. But one thing that keeps me going is what Vern had said Sunday night, "be the person they wouldn't want to leave." But then at the same time, idk... who would want to be with a bitch like me?

Oh well. If it doesn't work out, then maybe it's just not meant to be.

Maybe I just phail at life in GENERAL!

Bahumbug. Well on the brightside, I'm helping my mom pick out an outfit this afternoon. She's going out with her friends next week.

Have a wonderful day!

PHAIL!

I was all excited for clothing design today because I was going to start on my pattern!! After I finished cutting out all the pieces and what not, I was aaalll ready to pin them and everything when.... Melchor asked me if I had washed my fabric. -_- I hella forgot! That's like über important! x_x Sooo yeah. I'm just kind of sitting here, feeling all kinds of stupid. >_>

So I guess this weekend I gotta do laundry for sure and pin everything at home. I also need to buy some interfacing too and wash that! I'm not going to forget this time!! :)

rofl.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do today but hopefully I'll get to hang out with Ashley Ocampo.

I know I'm not emotionally ready for it but I'm going to do it anyway. Live life like there's no tomorrow, right? Think about the positives, not the negatives

Well have a good day everyone. :)

Infatuation?

I'm kind of confused. I'm kind of scared. But maybe that's how you're SUPPOSE to feel. I'm not really sure what to do or say or how I should be feeling. One part of me says to go for it like there's no tomorrow but then the other side is telling me to be careful and play it safe. I'm thinking that maybe I should just go for it all the way and never look back. I need to step out of this box anyway.

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. "

Well, how about love and win?

I'm still not too sure about this but I'm doing it anyway. It's like jumping into a pool of cold water.

Oops.

I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. When will I ever learn? I can be so hard headed sometimes. I need more discipline and willpower. This needs to stop.

I'm a square.

Lately, I've been feeling like I've been living life in a box. I've been playing it safe and what not. I was thinking earlier of how I use to be. I kind of miss my old self. I love how I always lived life on the edge. I had this wonderful personality. I was always positive. I did crazy things. I was happy because I did what I wanted to do. Now I feel like I'm only restricted to do a number of things. Nothing has really changed. I still live in the same place. Same freedom.

I miss me. Too bad she died months ago.