Cleaning.

I pretty much threw out everythig that relates to him. I deleted his whole contact thing on my phone and all the picures too. I felt like I should have emailed them to myself and saved them but I don't know. I don't think I should at the same time. I did save Love Notes and our Infinitie To Do List. I emailed them to myself. I also saved my original bucket list then deleted some stuff and resaved it. And woah dude I finally edited my MySpace!! It was pretty hard to do actually because I'm not good with all that stuff, but I got it. ;) I'm not sure what to do with all the paperwork though. I think I should keep them but idk. I guess I have about four days to think about it. Trash day is on Thursday I think and I at least want to recycle them. I also need to throw away his phone. I know there is some way to recycle cellphones. I just never had a phone long enough to worry about recycling my old one. o_o Oh and I deleted text messages too. Even all the cute
ones. :/

I'm kind of sad though because I practically spent most of my day at Disneyland on Friday looking for the place that engraves bracelettes for you. And of course cutsiesz me gets two engraved. =_= kinda expensive, yeah. Kinda cute, fuck yeah!! But then again it sucks because no one is going to wear it. I'm not going to throw it away though!! It's hella nice. :):) I'll just stick it in my junk drawer. I probably won't ever see it again until the next time I hella clean my room again haha.

Maybe throwing all these things away will help me get over this. I saw that episode of Tyra that helps you get over break ups. This is going to be a really hard one though because I hella thought we were in love and we were meant to be. We always talked about our future and what not. I really thought it was going to happen. Blah blah you know stuff like that.

Yeah I'm pretty sad but after looking at all this old stuff like old messages and stuff like that, I just realized that all this isn't what I thought it was. Like all the stuff that he said that hella made me feel good and what made me trust him doesn't really apply to today. I guess love really blinds you because I didn't even see that. I've always disliked those girls who were like "in love" with someone but it was just so obvious that they weren't. I think I am on of those girls. :( and I'm really, really upset with myself. I changed myself, flaked on my friends, didn't go to work, spend money, waste time, and all sorts of things just for a guy. At the moment though it felt so right. Like what I was doing was okay. I always talked to Daysha about everything and I mean EVERYTHING to make sure I wasn't going to end up like one of those girls. She really convinced me that we were in love and everything. I honestly should have listened to her though that
one night he accused me of cheating for the millionth time. She told me that he wasn't worth being with if he's just going to do that to me all of the time. I really should have. I feel like I practically wasted a month of my life. I'm broke now. Single. Bored. No business. Woop dee doo. Tltmmlml.

Tyra says that the best way to get over someone is by trying to go out there and meet other people. But I honestly don't think I can. I really can't imagine myself with anyone else. I would probably try to find him in other people. >_> that wouldn't be good. I see myself alone in ten years.

Haha okay I'm done being sad!