I'm sorry.

I regret this night because I lost him. It's not worth it at all. It was fun and everything.... Actually I'm still on it. I just want it to go away already. I want to be like a regular human being. But I kind of don't want it to stop because that's when I'll realize that everything is truly over and gone. I messed up. I really did. But at the same time, I learned so much. Good things actually. I want to be like this without having to do this you know? I know it's possible and I'll make that happen because I know everything is possible.

I don't know if it was the right thing but I really just told him how I feel. Like way deep down inside there. I don't think he believes me at all. It really hurts. I meant what I said. I was like spilling my heart you know. He means so much to me. I feel so horrible for no being better. Maybe I'm the only girl on e who has ever felt sadness. I feel it and I'm crying because it hurts so much.

I have to accept it though. He doesn't want to be with me. I promised I would give him what he wanted. I agreed. He even said he wished he would have never met me. Which really made me feel like crap because our whole time together must have been nothing. I don't think I believe that though. We both learned somethig from this. I really just want him to be happy.

I really just have to accept. I'm coming down dude. I regret this. I regret everything. I'm forgetting the reasons why I even want to live in the first place. It's like a light went out in my heart. The world is a little colder. But this is what I asked for. It's better though that I even told him. I always told him everything. I didn't hide anything. I'm really going to miss this. I'm really in love with him. I don't think anyone, including him, understands how I feel. I just to have to accept this. Oh man. This is going to be tough. Life is going to be really hard now. It's my fault and I deserve this. I regret everything. I just feel like I have failed as a person. This world is just too complicated sometimes. I don't get it. I'm trying to prepare myself when it finally hits me but idk. This is going to be the hardest thing I am ever going to go through. Like maybe even as equal as battling cancer because I feel like my life is hanging by a thread.

I don't know if I still want to be here. I have to stop thinking that. I need to be positive. I need to better myself. But it's so hard when no one's like pushing you or motivating you. It's so hard. It's so hard to just do it for myself too because I don't want if I want this. I don't want it to be over. I really do. I really feel like he is the love of my life. Well idk what I can do. So yeah. I really just had to fuck things over.

I just want him to believe what I said because I mean it. Ask me when I'm sober and I'll repeat it with the same feelings.

Goodmorning, world. Please have a great day and please don't lose the one you love the most because I don't want you to feel the way I've been feeling. And don't drink and do drugs because it makes everything worse.