Apparently, I am a wonderful poet when I'm fucking hysterical. It's actually a draft saved on my blogspot but I think it's a little too intense to publish.
I'd like to think that Tom saved me last night. He seemed to call at the right time. It was super random but maybe it was fate. Sometimes I actually believe in that stuff. Like fate and signs and stupid shit like that. But anyway, he told me to smile a lot today. It's hard though, because there's no reason to smile.
It's kind of heart breaking to know that I almost took a life this morning. Honestly, there were two things that actually kept me from doing it. I'm not going to say it because I think it would sound pretty gay. Idk. It's kind of random I guess? Like how during that one shooting the first people I thought about were Marc David and Jeffrey Barrera instead of my friends who were actually inside of the party.
I want to go somewhere really far away. Maybe even run there. I kind of just want to leave. I want to leave everyone behind because I know I haven't bettered anyones lives. Well maybe their health. Um actually I think I take that back. I know a handful of people I think I have made a difference in their life. But whatever I still want to get the fuck out of here.
I'm actually really hungry and really hung over. I know I say I never get them but it's actually just really rare. But before I leave I wanted to apologize to Kamille for this morning, Kiko for being a bitch, Jorge for punching him in the face (I'm so sorry!!!), and most of all, James for really ruining everything.
I hope everyone is having a better life than me! ;) Please have a good day.
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