Things fall apart.

Oh gee. I must have written a million blogs and deleted them. I don't know how to put into words how I feel right now.

But basically, I feel like everything is just falling apart. My grades are slipping. I'm working so hard, but it just doesn't seem to be enough for anyone. It's not like I'm not trying. I really am. I've gone to school for seven days straight. That's the longest I've gone to school without ditching this whole semester. I don't know, but things aren't working out for me at school. I hate my school. I can't even reach my counselor so I can get a fee waiver for the SAT's. These strict auxiliary regulations are killing me and it's come to the point where I don't even want to step anymore. It hurts, but I don't like people controlling our team. APES is fucking killing me. She changed the way she grades and it's all weird. I have an F!!!! Ayaiyai. She gives us so much homework, it's ridiculous. It's like an unnecessary amount. Oh god and I have an essay due tomorrow. It's getting to the point where I'm starting to just care less.

My mother has also announced to me that she doesn't want to support me financially. Good fucking job, mother. It's not fair. My dad is barely making enough money. There's no way for my father alone to take care of me. He doesn't even buy me food anymore or give me money. Like seriously, if I need money I go find some goddamn quarters or exchange bottles and cans like some damn homeless person. It's not fucking fair. I also like how my mother keeps asking me to ask my dad for money for the cell phone bill. That annoys me the most because I don't even have a phone anymore. It's just her and my brother. She says she's not supporting me financially because I don't live with her anymore. WELL, my dad doesn't live with my brother so I don't see why he has to pay for their bill. I know my mom is making enough money to support the both of them. She doesn't need to come to us. It's pissing me off. I don't like how she's not even supporting me. She didn't support me in Twirl, for Step, and school. Fuck. I even asked her if she could pay for my SAT's and she said no. And in the bitchiest voice I said, "Okay. I guess I don't have to go to college."

Oh god. I hate how our school is like don't let money get in the way for college. BULLSHIT. I CAN'T EVEN GET A DAMN WAIVER. Free lunch = Free SAT's. Geez. Who do I have to kill to get a damn waiver in this place?

Today I just wanted to get the hell out of here. Out of the city. Out of the state. I just want to get away from everything, from everyone. I want something different. I don't like this at all. I've lost motivation and the support to just do well in life and in school. Honestly, I don't give a fuck anymore. No one fucking appreciates me. My mother thinks I'm the worst damn kid in the world. Oh man. If only my mom really knew me. Everything would be different. Too bad everything she thinks is negative. It's not just her either. My whole family thinks I'm the devil.

I want to get out of here. I'll do anything. I feel like I'm just losing it. I feel like I'm losing myself. )^&(*^$(&yv32hu wafklUy9b*&O%&*$#RYH

whatever. have a great fucking day.